Exercise phobia is a real thing. It’s not laziness, it’s an all consuming fear of working out. I suffer from this affliction and guys, it’s not easy to overcome. This past Monday I had my first ever session at @abcbootcamper and leading up to it I made every excuse about why I couldn’t attend. I went so far as to practically chicken out while sitting in the parking lot on Monday morning. I broke out in a stress sweat. I had to do a nervous poo. I told Regan that this was not for me and I should just head home.
But I didn’t. I decided to show up for myself. I decided that even though I was afraid I would force myself to do this and if I really hated it I wouldn’t go again.
I’m so glad I went. The sessions are structured in a really accessible way. You start off with a warm up – which I felt was a lot tougher than the rest of the workout – and that consists of a fast walk, then a slow jog, then a faster jog, then a jog hop and then a walk lunge type of story. Then you move into groups and work your way through a circuit of 5 different exercises which you do for 45 seconds each and run through the entire circuit for about 10 minutes. Then you take a short water break and move on to your next, more challenging, circuit which also lasts for 10 minutes. Then you do a stretch routine and then you’re done. I think I’m probably over simplifying it and making it sound a lot easier than it was. Honestly I feel like someone took a baseball bat to my thighs. Our instructor, Jason, was wonderful and encouraging and made sure to mention that the workouts increase in intensity over the weeks which is a little scary considering how tough I felt Monday was.
There is something quite incredible that happens when I push myself. There is such power in that moment when you feel like you just can’t push anymore and then you do and your muscle cry out in a strange sort of painful victory and you know that whatever fear you carried before you started is now gone. Exercise phobia is a real thing. But once you overcome it, amazing things happen.
Right now I am a mom, I am overweight, my body is recovering from the stress of birthing 2 human beings, things wobble, things shake. Every single time I make the decision to get up and move, I am being brave. Because deciding to show up is a lot harder than any exercise you could throw my way. I have spent 6 years not believing in myself. And now that is all changing and it is pure magic.
I am showing up.
I am being brave.
I am proud of this Nikki.
On Monday morning 1 hour of exercise felt like this impossible, unattainable goal. Today it feels more like an answer to a question I have been too afraid to ask. I am capable of more and I’m achieving more with each session and through the creaky, achy muscles there is one incredible truth that whispers at the back of my mind:
I can do this.